I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
