You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
