At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
