where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
