booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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