a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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