ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
