Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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