you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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