We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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