omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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