Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
