We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
