M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
