dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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