Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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