I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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