Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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