PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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