This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
