It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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