Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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