he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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