I'm laying in your front yard are you home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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