I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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