billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
