yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
