Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
