you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
