It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
two words...techno handjob
Houston, we have a squirter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
