My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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