Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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