Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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