So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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