i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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