Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
