what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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