It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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