winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
