dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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