i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
