You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
