Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
