I hate your face
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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