who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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