I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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