Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize