I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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