she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
