i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize