He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
