Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
