I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
