it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
