Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
