I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
