Porn is love you can see.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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