Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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