my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
