Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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