Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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