They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
