and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
