I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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