my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
