Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
