1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
