I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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