I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
