I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
