i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize