me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
