You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
