So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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