your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
