you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
