I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
