Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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