It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
this is an emotional support booty call
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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