Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
