Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
