Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
