with your own penis?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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